How your childhood experiences have created the "This is who I am" version of you.

You've probably seen and heard this now in a million places of how our childhood shapes our future, our personality and our sense of self-concept. I dare you to read todays blog because it will challenge you and if you like to live in your bubble, this is not for you.

In fact, it's been thrown around so much now that we tend to brush it off as not much can be done about it and oh "We are going to need to go therapy or see a psychologist even" to recognize and correct some of the conditioning we received as children that was unhelpful and has resulted in a car that runs but is missing a mirror, or over heats quickly or hasn't been cleaned out in years and can only fit the driver and has no room for anyone else to get in or is running on a donut ( Self-doubt) and can only go so fast or has the check engine light on for a long time and the driver keeps on driving without doing something about it. This was a parable obviously and you and I are the car in this scenario in each of our respective lives.

Ready to dig in?

As children, our social conditioning aka Family and Peers plays a role

our Cultural aka Nationality, religion, social narratives

combined with personal factors and experiences creates who you are.

Our attachment style for example relies heavily on how our relationships were with our immediate family growing up, was it warm and steady and had open communication or like a lot of us did we have unfavorable experiences and distant parents or negative communication which now disabled our ability to form healthy relationships?

Positive re-enforcement aka a pat on the back and a "attaboy" or "attagirl" which builds our self worth and self esteem which some of us had but a lot of us were deprived of. Negative criticism as a child causes us to create a version of "I am not enough" what is yours?

Did you grow up in a household that was obsessed with learning, questioning and curiosity or did you grow up in a household that told you not to ask questions? If it was the latter, then you cannot say that "I'm not smart enough" because your mind was never challenged and stimulated to think and get curious as a child. This one leads to slower cognitive development, ones thinking that "Maybe I actually am NOT smart enough" because if your friends household has a curious vibe or doesn't have a parent present so they have to get creative they have to ask questions and seek for answers themselves and they stimulate their own cognitive development. Sometimes having a parent present can hinder your growth instead of enhancing it. Now this is not me bring slander to your parents, our families did the best they could and knew. No one in their right mind does the wrong thing, it's just how they were conditioned and didn't challenge it. Please don't read this and go around blaming anyone, your knowledge gives you the power to heal. 🪄 

For the longest time, at least until puberty hits and we starting forming little cliques in school and enter a peer group our parents are our Heroes, little do we know that they are just regular people like you and I trying to survive. We model what we see, Infants below the age of 12 months, learn how to understand and recognize facial expressions, tonality of voice and gestures. So by the time you're 12 YEARS old, you've learnt to model you families in the way they do everything including but not limited to

- Handling emotions

- Temper control

- Empathy

- Dealing with challenges in life

- Behavior and treatment of other humans and of self

and much more. See , us humans are still very much in the "monkey see - monkey do" 

Why do you think Papa Johns has Shaq do Ads for the Shaq-a-roni pizza?

So that your mind sees, "I like Shaq , I like Pizza, I like Shaq-a-roni, I buy Shaq-a-roni"

This is why influencer marketing works. This is why when you even see a friend or a family member you like who's wearing a certain shoe or a jacket that looks good you are so inclined to buying it immediately.

This is why you feel envy even when you don't want to because "Monkey see, monkey do" and when monkey can't , monkey tries really really hard to do what they can to do it.

And emotional intelligence or EQ, is one of the most required and in-demand qualities in a CEO according to a Forbes Article by Dan Hawkins.

Understanding and managing emotions are also linked to moral development. Children who can empathize with others and regulate their emotional responses are more likely to develop a strong sense of right and wrong and to behave ethically. 

Oh and btw a major reason why we are so inclined to aligning with what we see, what we're told is because we humans are about 300,000 years old as a species and for about 99.9% of it if we broke the code and went against our family or peer group we would certainly die. Our brain is conditioned from hundreds of thousands of years to keep us alive and doesn't want us to die. Little does it know at an evolutionary level that we no longer carry the risk of dying if we made our own decisions in modern society.

That we would actually thrive and we have the most amount of resources at our disposal now more than ever to actually perform at the highest level a human can in his/her existence.

You maybe thinking "Dude, I get it!! Now how do I mitigate or reverse whatever it is that I need to mitigate in myself"? great question. 

It starts by recognizing and understanding which I'm sure you do now. Next up is forgiving everyone who you think "Did" something to you and moving on with YOUR growth.

Now, once thats done there's several things you can do.

Here's a list.

Building Emotional Intelligence and Regulation:

Self-Awareness: Develop greater self-awareness about your emotional responses. Mindfulness and meditation can be helpful in this regard.

Emotion Regulation Techniques: Learn emotion regulation strategies such as deep breathing, mindfulness, and positive self-talk to manage emotional reactions in a healthier way.

Challenge Negative Beliefs: Identify and challenge negative beliefs about yourself that developed in childhood. Replace them with more positive and realistic beliefs.

Positive Affirmations: Regularly practicing positive affirmations does help in building self-esteem and altering negative thought patterns. Biggest change in self-esteem comes through taking action

Assess Current Relationships: Evaluate your current relationships. Identify any unhealthy patterns that may be influenced by past experiences. This is big one, be ruthless and kind at the same time here

Seek Healthy Relationships: Actively seek and nurture relationships that are healthy, supportive, and respectful. Don't fill your life with people that are just "warm bodies" filling the spot of a "friend". Seek meaningful relationships

Physical Health: Take care of your physical health workout, eat a balanced diet, and get adequate sleep.

Mental Health: Prioritize your mental health by engaging in activities that you find relaxing and rejuvenating.

Self-Compassion: Be kind and compassionate to yourself. Recognize that healing is a journey and requires patience and self-love.

New Skills and Hobbies: Engage in activities that promote personal growth, learning new skills, hobbies, or furthering your education.

Goal Setting: Set personal goals that are meaningful to you and work towards achieving them. This helps in building a sense of purpose and achievement. If you are Christian, your need not "find" your purpose in life, we're told that our purpose is to glorify God in what we do, not gonna add more to that, it's simple enough.

Routine and Structure: Establishing a routine provides a sense of stability and control.

Environment: Create a living environment that is safe, comfortable, and reflective of the positive changes you are making.

Volunteering: Helping others provides a sense of fulfillment and perspective. It can also help in building a supportive community.

Stay Open to Learning: Be open to learning from new experiences and be adaptable to change. This mindset will help in overcoming past conditioning and embracing growth.

I changed up my writing style a bit in this one here, let me know what you think.

As always, you are enough, you are loved and you can do whatever it is you set your mind to.

Love

-Sumant Joshi

PS: If you want to work with us directly and learn how we help people like you to Rewire their brains for Peak performance, reach out to me at [email protected].

Or Check out my Instagram and see what people say about it.

https://www.instagram.com/sumantjoshii