How to sell yourself better and influence people.

Interesting title isn't it? This is a 4 minute read. Whether we know it or not, we are constantly selling ourselves to the people around us in terms of getting them to do what we want. We are naturally good at phrasing and choosing our words during normal day to day life that if incorporated actively into any area of life would result in a more happier and satisfying life instead of having to fight for everything all the time...that's exhausting.

Let's begin with ourselves first, what words are we choosing when we talk to ourselves? What's our tone and what's our demeanor. "Am I respecting myself with how I talk to myself?" If the answer to this is "No" then how can we expect others to respect us or our opinions or presence. See, whatever you're selling it's important to be fully sold on that first. which begins with how we convince ourselves to buy it. For example, you and your spouse are about to go out for dinner and you want Mexican but they suggest Sushi. You know that how you choose respond to that suggestion is the decision maker. 

If you say, "We had Sushi xyz days ago" or "I really don't want seafood today" versus saying "What about Sushi" or "No" You will see less resistance 

If you respond unsurely, you lose. if you respond with surety , high chance that things go your way.

That surety and unsurety depends on your positivity and confidence level. So if you choose with Positivity and surety that will project outward and is likely to weigh your side heavier in any negotiation. Make sense? So you convinced yourself, great. Now when you try to sell it , the more you do the thing, the better and stronger you will become at it, it becomes second nature to you and your whole demeanor leans that way, whether be changing your personality, being a better speaker, being respected by your peers and subordinates. If you project confidence while believing in it 50%, you lose. Your faith in yourself and your concept must be 100% and then only it projects out. Sorry, the fake it till you make it strategy does not work here.

So if we use "This is going to be a disaster.""Nothing ever goes right for me.""I'm such an idiot."I can’t see anything good about this situation." or similar variations of this, it's going to hurt us. 

So positivity and confidence is key, we know that much. Let's move forward. Incorporating this and affirmative language in our thoughts and also removing the "unsure" vocabulary like "sort of" "maybe" "hopefully" "um, uh, er" " "one day" "I think" " I suppose". Words like those and similar are not really only  affecting your perception and how others receive what you communicate, but it also affects your personality and the level of surety you have in what you want. 
Low surety = low result

High surety = high result.

Let's say if you're about to get Lasik Eye Surgery, and you're confident about being able to see without glasses but right before the surgery your surgeon walks in and says, "well, hopefully you'll be able to see without glasses after this" What would you do? You'd freak out right?

Don't let the inner you freak out. Stay calm, positive and confident that things are bound to go in the direction you give most energy to. Now you decide if that energy goes towards glass half full or glass half empty.

Similarly , add that positive language into your goal setting. Use specific words like "Thrive" "excel" "transform" "commit and dedicate" "Grow and Develop" 

Now that you have fully bought into what you're selling, now it's time to communicate that in a way where it isn't word vomitted. 

So when it comes to communicating, I'm going to start first with people you do know and are already acquainted with. From a basic level to someone who is even an intimate partner. 

Give first, if you're someone who gives a lot more than you take, then you're way more likely to get things to go your way instead of someone else's way. 

Example: If you have a co-worker with whom you're very supportive , you give without asking for expecting something in return? You're way more likely to get life to go your way because the reciprocity principle carries your weight and it's heavier and they feel indebted to pay you back.

Same thing with a partner, family member, if you give more than you take then you're always getting your way. Nothing wrong with that, remember , you're giving more so there will be times when you sow the seeds. 

Influencing others is very similar to influencing yourself, so let's say you want to start exercising regularly and eat cleaner, if you keep it a secret then you're more likely to cheat. But if you share publicly then you're more likely to come through with that promise than not. That's called commitment along with consistency

According to self-perception theory, we conclude our attitudes and beliefs by observing our own behavior. This reduces your cognitive dissonance and and increases the alignment between your actions and your thoughts. Now you will find it psychologically discomforting to revert back to anything that you were originally trying to change. So now the path in the new direction, seems better than what you moved away from.

To further solidify that, the more you do it, your brain will create a mental shortcut which is *Consistency* hence reverting to consistency in any situation and reducing cognitive load on your brain because once you make a decision you don't keep questioning it.

Next up is my favorite. You don't sell anything directly, people are smart nowadays. If you smell that someone is selling you something, you run away or have your internal guards up. Why? even if what they're selling may benefit us but our internal protective system wakes up and tries to guard us, it's natural. BUT, subtle selling is when they share a story with you, you yourself put 2 and 2 together and basically ask for permission to buy, isn't that beautiful? 

So, "Storify" when you can, no matter what emotion you are trying to aim for in your person, have a story that does the job so they can also understand your POV and not only your "Sales Pitch" 

So instead of saying "I'm kind or I know this is correct" or anything similar, Share a story that reflects what you're trying to say. 

We also rely on authority when making decisions.

Think about it, a doctor telling you about a discovery he made about your arm after a boating accident is much more believable than your half drunk buddy who was also on the boat. Why? Authority . 

We like to be right or have the right information, reason why I bring this up is that when you share knowledge and information that is substance and that is fact will create an image of you in Authority.

Present yourself in a way that reflects competence and professionalism. How you dress, speak, and conduct yourself contributes to the perception of authority. Anywhere the confidence shakes, authority dwindles faster than when blood flushes from your face when you hear something disturbing.

So we covered 3 main things today

1. Sell yourself on what you are selling

2. Choose your words and phrasing carefully while conveying what you're selling.

3. Give more and you will sell better

4. Publicly committed 

5. Storify your reasoning more often

Well, I guess there were 5. 

This is it for now. Short and sweet.