Understanding America: Key Insights into U.S. Culture and Social Etiquette

There is a reason why America is still by far the land of opportunity due to its values and these values are upheld by people like you and I .

I am going to outline a lot of these value and go in to detail on the most important ones.

Lets start with Individualism, I don't know what your current culture is like but I can tell you self-reliance and importance of personal freedom is very important, for example having your own job, your own money, car, apartment etc earns you respect and reputation among your peers.

For the first year in the US, I did not have a car, in my second year I was able to be in a position to finance a cheap car and even then I had a family member co-sign for me and I am forever grateful for them.

Asking for favors is not a common theme and if you do ask for favors, make sure you ask your closest dearest friends and that you have something to offer them in return, for example, if you ask someone to help you with a project you buy them lunch or dinner in return and this project must be small , You can ask your friends to dog sit or house sit for you in return for a dinner, but make sure to not overstep any boundaries and not overstay your welcome. Once someones time is involved more than 1 hour for a favor, you need to offer to pay them, buy them something of equivalent value is best for closer friends, in most scenarios, don't choose the payment yourself unless you know what the market rate is for a given task. 

When I first came here I converted everything I paid for in US dollars into the currency for my home country and was so frugal. NEVER EVER , in your head convert US currency to your own currency, this is a common theme among new immigrants especially, once you are in the US you are spending and earning in USD, end of story. 

Since I'm talking about Never evers, Never ever use the N word, or any other racially derogatory words you may have heard in pop culture, rap songs, movies etc.  Do not use any derogatory racial or cultural terms. I cannot tell you how much trouble that can get you into and how terrible it is.

HARD WORK goes a long way whether you are in a classroom or at your workplace, people who show up at 9 and leave at 5 completing their basic tasks and doing a mediocre job stay in a mediocre lifestyle. Even if you think no one is paying attention, your boss, peers or someone above that is paying attention and watching your hard work, you WILL be rewarded for it.

At my first real job in the US, I sold cars, I liked my job as I got to be around high end European cars but I did not go above and beyond. About 4 months into the job I remember my manager calling me into his office and having a conversation with me about my performance. He was basically telling me that if my performance doesn't improve in the next 30 days, I will be fired and he told me that in the nicest way possible. I was mad , upset, had all kinds of excuses as to why he was the bad guy.

He was not, I quit that job before getting fired and spent 2 months with no job. I had learned my lesson, next I worked for pepsico and my job included waking up at 1:30 am, and coming home between 5-6 pm . Every day except for Sunday. In 3 months alone , I was doing the highest sales in my entire district which was a population of about 300,000 people and covered an area of about a 50 mile radius. The job after that, I showed up early , I stayed in late and I was the favorite of all my superiors. Once I left that job, I was done working for others and it was my time to hustle for myself.

No one may say a word to you until your results speak for themselves and then leapfrog everyone and excel in your field of work. If people see that you care about the things that are given to you, that will reflect in how you are treated. Once, you're known as the hardest worker in your office or business, you will be unstoppable.

Punctuality; Always always be on time if you setup a phone call or a meeting with someone, cannot emphasize on this. Respecting other peoples time is key when gaining traction early on. Unless you're out playing basketball with your friends, treat everyones time as a precious gemstone and use it wisely when they give it to you.  And always ask people how you can help them, as an immigrant, you will be asking people to help you with small or big things that takes them 10 minutes to help you with but for you it moves mountains. Always be willing to help with what you can ( Never lend anyone money  LOL) 

Unless you are in a FORMAL Setting , having a normal informal conversation with your superior or boss is okay as long as you keep it respectful, people appreciate when you treat them as a normal human and not some mythical god, Americans are big believers in equality, I have and still make friends with people that are far more successful than me simply by talking to them like a normal person. One of my best friends used to be my boss back in 2018 and through that we became friends, Be clear and straight forward in your communication , even if you feel like you need to confront someone, go for it and be upfront and approach it from a constructive angle. Trust me baking in your own heat if someone hurt your feelings or vice-versa never helps, talk it out.

Always keep in mind to not interrupt or talk over someone when they are speaking, talking over another person is one of the most common and rude mistakes we end up making in the beginning, if however someone won't stop talking LOL cuz that happens, start talking and after saying a word or two use" So sorry I'm interrupting but I wanted to make this point or I wanted to say this xyz" or " Sorry I do not mean to interrupt you but..xyz" If you're on the phone and this happens it becomes harder . Say " no, sorry please go ahead" when letting someone else talk. People LOVE to talk so the more chances you give them the more they are going to like you, the point is not to be liked by everyone but it is to make your life easier because they will get you what you want. And pay attention when you are talking to someone, don't be distracted, don't be on your phone and definitely don't be looking away. Engaging conversations are going to open the door for you to the next step and then the next one after that. this maybe in a social or professional setting.

This part is very important when you go out to eat at a restaurant, never talk over or disrespect your server. be courteous and respectful. Make sure you're not the person that talks with their mouth full of food, that is very rude, never reach across the table and invade someones space because you really need the salt shaker, simply ask the person sitting next to you. Do not make loud or weird noises while eating, definitely no loud burps unless you're with your soulmate LOL.

Tipping your server is important and necessary, your current culture may not have that but here in the US if you go out to eat at a restaurant, you should always tip at least 15% -25% of your bill its not only customary but thats how most servers make a living is by earning tips. 

If you go out to eat with 2 or more people, and there is conversation around the table, allow other people to talk, remember, people love people who make them feel important and they will feel important if you let them talk but also participate.

Keep your phone in your pocket or if it is sitting on the table, make sure its facing down and never  be on your phone when you're out at dinner or when someone is talking, you may think that there are 3 other people at the table and no one cares, but trust me, Some people care. 

When you go out, the normal way is for each person to pay for themselves or if someone pays for you ( To make life easier for your server) you generally will pay them back . Don't be a free loader or think you'll buy them lunch or dinner sometime later, pay them then or the next day.

If you pay for someone, that is a nice gesture and they will likely feel indebted, for example, if I invite someone for lunch or dinner and it is more business related than personal, I am definitely picking up the check. If personal, splitting checks is normal.

If you are invited to a social gathering ( especially at someones house) Always go and mingle, if you say NO you better have a good reason to do so, you are not going to learn a culture if you don't go out there and learn everything you are learning here, make sure to take a bottle of wine or some form of beverage or snack or dessert that can be shared by everyone. No one likes the person who shows up for free food and brings nothing, dress semi-casual unless there is a set dress code. It is weird to show up underdressed, gauging your friend circle is key, it would even be very helpful to ask the person who invites you if there is a dress code. Men, DO NOT WEAR flip flops or sandals unless you're on a beach or a pool party or inside your home LOL. There is an exception to this rule if you live in FL, Anything goes in FL, we love FL. In the recent years, I have always shown up to a house invited and with a bottle of wine or snacks.

Do not douse yourself in perfume or Cologne, use a normal amount, a fresh set of laundry and a stick of deodorant goes a long way. We come from vastly different cultures and being from India I know Indian food can have a strong pungent smell, I go as far as keeping my bedroom and closet door shut tight when my family visits and cooks Indian food because trust me you do not want to go around smelling like food, it is not attractive and it will get you disqualified from social invites, not trying to hurt you , just making sure you realize because I got called out one time cuz my shirt actually smelled like curry Hah!

Please and thank you and holding the door open for someone go a long way.

Body language, No matter what your culture is like and how close you hang out with your friends back home, in America, people appreciate and prefer personal space, when talking to someone keep a safe distance, at least 3 feet. No unnecessary touching, if you're out in the club and want to dance with someone, simply ask and don't overstep any boundaries. I cannot emphasize the importance of respecting boundaries and personal spaces.

Gestures, facial expressions, frowning head nods are used heavily in the American culture but keep in mind I said head nod, don't be going around Head bobbling everywhere. 

If you're ever caught looking at someone and they make eye contact with you, Do not keep staring, gently look away and always carry a smile on your own face. In some cultures staring can lead to a fist fight. But here, as long you look and then look away, thats totally fine. If you think you know someone, just walk up and talk to them , continuing to stare will not make anyones life easier.

In Summary, Respect, Boundaries, Etiquette , Contribution ,Humility ,Thoughtfulness and putting others before yourself, being open minded will get you more friends than anything and the more hands you shake with the right people, the more success you are going to see in any field you're in.

Now lets talk about religion, smooth shift am I right?
Religion is one of the biggest drivers of Moral ethics in the US, even if someone is not religious now, the US is 65%+ Christian and then the percentage of other religions is very small .

Reason why I bring this up is unless you want to learn about Christianity and the bible, LEAVE RELIGIOUS topics alone. Never make fun of any religion or religious practice , you never who you may hurt.

BUT Religion is also a massive driving force in American politics and political movements. Religious beliefs play a role in political debates and decision making and if you don't understand christianity at all , spending maybe 30 minutes on learning the basics will make your conversations much easier if they ever arise. Most people are raised Christians even if they don't practice actively. If you know the basics, that will help you feel more connected with the other person.

Remember , doing this is ONLY going to help you.